Welcome

Today, June 15, 2008, is Father's Day. While I have no children of my own, I wish happiness to those who are celebrating this special day.

My dad passed in 1978 as a result of an accident at work. I was 11 at the time. And I have always regretted never getting more time with him. I guess I could be envious of my friends who had their fathers growing up, and still have them today. But my love for my father, and my mother who has since passed, will never go away.

I joke they passed on my diabetic problems to me - amongst other things...and they can't answer for it. I suspect they're having a grand ol' time in Heaven, and having a little Irish-Portuguese humor at my expense.

But now to the serious part of creating this blog. Me.

My diabetes is definitely not what you would call ideal. I've been a diabetic since December 1989 when I was brought to the hospital with a blood sugar through the roof. I should have been dead. But for some reason I was left on this earth for whatever plan He has for me.

Since then it's been a constant struggle with maintaing compliance with it. I've had good days, but they've been outweighed by the bad more often than not.

To say I am truly complaint would be a bold faced lie. And now the numbers are proving it, in more ways than one.

Today I am on the verge of being diagnosed with chronic kidney disease. With a albumin/creatinine level nearly 800% above normal, and a concentrated creatinine level 900% or more above level...well you get the picture. The kidneys are barking HELP me.

How am I coping? I'm not, and I admit it. I am scared.

My mom died of renal failure, and unfortunately my path is headed that way. I keep trying to make the efforts to change, but they seem to be getting me no where - in many things.

While I have a good job, and good insurance, I can't seem to turn the corner with keeping and maintaining solid relationships. I seem to lose more friends than make, and I know it's mostly because I am too stubborn.

I want to change, and this is why I am using this blog not just as a journal of my struggles but I hope of victories.

I encourage anyone reading this to share, to offer gudinace, and yes I'll accept criticism as well. I would hope my friends read this as well and understand the pain and anger I may show sometimes is not a reflection of my relationships, but of the fear of loss before my time ends. I fear that may be soon as things are going, which puts a big cramp in my goal to reach 62. I got almost 20 years to go to that goal and I plan everything in my part to reach that, the good Lord willing.